Part 6 of How My Knowledge of Dog Training saved my life.

Welcome back friends. After the episode life went back to normal for a while. I continued to work and prepare for my final exam for KPA. I had made it to the home stretch and I was doing fantastic. I wasn’t struggling to get my papers passed even if I needed to adjust a few things I was actually doing it. Rowan was excelling at every challenge and I was really learning to communicate with him.

It is now time to introduce Rowan and all the things I did right and wrong with him…I have referred to him as my best and worst dog. The reality is that every single day I am apologizing to him for all the mistakes I have made, all the times I did not see his cry for help and support from me, all the times I did not understand him, all the times I became frustrated with him when he needed more from me. Every single day I am also saying thank you for always forgiving my mistakes and not allowing me to stop growing to BECOME the dog mom he deserves. I am so grateful he has never held a grudge for all the times I have failed him. I wish I knew then what I know now, but I also know that I now get to apply everything I have learned to undo all the damage I have caused by not meeting his emotional needs. The last chapter of his life with be his best yet, I promise him that.

We approached the home stretch for KPA and Rowan continued to surprise me, we were really working so well together. We were enjoying our time and our bond was becoming so beautiful again.

The week prior to my final assessment I had the opportunity to spend the annual week at the cape with my family and I was allowed to bring Rowan. I knew I needed to be practicing leading up to our 10 part behavior chain but did not want to miss out on my favorite week of the year. I had never taken my dogs to the cape vacation before, I was afraid they would be “too much” out of their comfort zone or that they would be super stressed and uncomfortable and the week would become more “work” for me instead of my respite from the pet industry. Being a people pleaser I also was very concerned that my dogs would act out and would disturb my family and ruin their vacation.

I knew this time I needed both the vacation and the practice, and for the first time I wasn’t too anxious to try with Rowan after all the work we had been doing together. As I packed his suitcase of all the tools I could think of I started to get really excited. I went shopping for extra treats and chews, I packed licki mats and brand new toys. I made sure I had his mat and all his gear, bowls, food and crate. I was stoked for all the new experiences we could enjoy together and work we could do. With the car loaded and work responsibilities covered I was free to hit the road with my boy. Damn I love adventure.

We arrived at the cape house and he immediately made himself at home and was thrilled to see everyone there. As we got settled in, he went about exploring the yard and house and getting loved on by family. I had always had such anxiety around my dogs and my nieces. I was so worried that my dogs, who had such limited experiences with kids, would be quickly overwhelmed, or pushed past their limit. I was terrified there would be a bite incident, despite them never giving me a reason to believe they would. I watched Rowans interaction with my youngest niece. She is my future prodege should she choose to follow this path when she is older. Currently her plan is to take over auntie’s company, I am in full support especially if I can give her the headstart she needs through my learned experiences as well as from her Grandma who has always been my mentor and guide too.

I watched as we were silly with him as I tried to make the bed. He refused to get down for me to lay the sheet. He soaked up every second of the fun as we made the bed over him leaving him a corner out should he change his mind. No fear, no worry, no stress, just calm joy and acceptance of this new adventure. I will forever be grateful of that moment, and the fear that left my body watching him be so good with her. This little lady was used to the most perfect child friendly labs and Rowan accepted all she threw at him with a calm acceptance and a thrill for all the attention and words of affirmation.

We took ample breaks and long exploratory walks together, where he acted as if he were made for this life. We rarely spent time on leash but he has always been so brilliant at it. Cool, calm and collected. I will forever cherish these beautiful walks we shared together, it gave me the confidence that I had clearly done some things right for him to be this amazing passing by dogs, bikes, joggers, and strollers they were cool to look at but he remained at my side. Absolutely incredible. Thank you Rowan.

He continued to enjoy the company of the family winning them over with his goofy boy nature, they always were considered the “wild ones” of the dog family. In the evenings when the temps cooled off we practiced our chain. I was finally seeing it come together and feeling a sense of relief that we were almost there.

For so long I struggled with feeling like I “took the easy route” with the behaviors I chose. I was reminded that its not about flashy or fancy behavior its about setting us up for success and clear communication and understanding of the behavior and cue. Rowan had a challenged history with shaping and learning new behavior with me until we got to kpa.

I made many mistakes when trying to shape with him, mostly in not finely splicing behavior small enough for my sensitive and soft dog. But also I realized, way later in this journey than I care to mention…that he cannot stand it when I silently stare at an object and expect him to try things. He was be quick to shut down, throw stress signals, appeasement behavior and ask to stop and move on…until I started talking to him and learning to break things down.

I realized now that I made the correct choice for Myself & Rowan with the behaviors I chose with where we were at in our journey. I am grateful for the choices I made for us in that moment. The simpler behaviors required no less work to piece together with the precision required to pass the KPA Final Evaluation. For the first time I set an accurately spliced goal for us to achieve. With a fresh reset from vacation, with ample bonding and practice I felt ready to take on the eval.

I should add that during the week at the cape I completed the final online exam with a passing score. I felt so incredibly proud of myself, I shared the news with my family and I was celebrated for my achievement. Something I noticed felt off though about this celebration, like I was missing something. I was happy I passed but I didn’t feel as accomplished as I thought I would feel. Weird. I was in my favorite place, with my family and my dog, celebrating passing the first part of my KPA Online Final. Maybe I was missing Ryan, he is my Rock after all.

I am constantly amazed by your commitment to my wild ride. Are you still wondering the point? Or are you just here for the story now? No matter the reason I am grateful for it.

I have been on this wild journey for a few years now and even though I have gained so much mental control there is still that part of my brain trying to tell me that all of what I am writing is basically a good bye letter, because I must have a brain eating ameba. Because who the fuck do I think I am thinking my story is worth sharing. I have come far enough in my journey to know that it is not the voice of my future but the voice of my past.

So I tell her….

“If I find out that I have a brain eating ameba, then at least I shared what I have learned become it got eaten. People who die tend to make for more popular stories anyway so, exposure. And if it reachs more people and helps just one person, then it will all be worth it. Plus what a way to go, RIP Died giving an Ameba a snack. I’D GO OUT A SNACK! But, seriously that is not the life we are destined to live. We did not come this far and learn this much to go out that way, we are just getting started. Plus I made Ryan promise me to make it until we turn 98 & 99 real Notebook Shit.”

Her response…”but what if?”

Anyway I am going to tame the ameba spiral with some ice cream, because I deserve it.

So much love,

Shelby