Part 12 Seven Days…
This page is dedicated to my husband. You are my hero.
To this day Ryan does not let me live this down…given we were moving into my religious parents house in the bedroom next door sharing a major wall, I told Ryan absolutely no way was sex happening there. I made it 7 days. He Loves that.
I can’t say that I blame him when for so much of our relationship I was weird about it. Most of the time I didn’t want it, even when we did I wasn’t really present, due to not fault of Ryans he’s always been so generous. I struggled with feeling numb, felt obligated to finish or I felt like I failed because he was sad when I didn't. It was something I struggled with for so long without knowing what the hell was “wrong” with me. I had absolutely no idea how to talk about it and I was definitely embarrassed and felt so much shame around my body and sex.
Edibles changed everything. The first time I tried edibles was thanks to my best friend who offered them as a sleep aid, it worked like a miracle. I slept like a fucking log. Never in my life had I slept like that, I was hooked. For a while I took them just before bed falling asleep before actually feeling the effects. I of course had shame for this too, because despite them being legal, drugs were bad. One night in our old apartment, I decided to take them earlier and see how I felt. Holy hell Batman. I could actually feel my body, I had full body tingles. Suddenly I very much wanted some attention, but I was scared to ask for it, what if he felt obligated?
I took a chance, I laid in bed and started blasting any sexy song I could think of through the Alexa into the living room where he was gaming. We usually respond well to humor, if he seems uninterested I can play it off as just a prank. It did not take him long to come see what was going on, it did not take long for him to figure it out. There was no doubt, it was definitely not an obligation fuck. My body never went numb, quite the opposite it felt like I was alive for the first time. No one warned me of the velocity of which an Elevated Orgasm comes rolling through you…. I was not prepared. My life was officially changed, because I definitely wanted more of that.
I got slightly bolder after that about initiating intimacy but I still had so much shame and discomfort. Speaking of discomfort…Fun fact I wore underwire bras day AND night until I was in my mid 20s. I could not stand my boobs being loose. I am sorry girls, I vow to wear a bra as little as possible to make up for this injustice. I did not know how wrong I was.
I was adamant when we moved into my parents that there was no way I would go through with it, the thought of my parents hearing us or interrupting us made me want to crawl in a hole. I made it 7 days before I attacked him…He seriously loves that, for all the times I turned him down he deserves that win. Ryan’s love language is physical touch, mine was not. “I was hard to pet” I heard that on a podcast somewhere, the dude with the mullet that shares really deep shit. I will remember the name eventually, Elliot maybe? Anyway, we moved in and it was the most sex we had ever had in a single year. We explored the most in that year at my parents, and we grew the most in that year at my parents. Despite the thin walls and the religious shame.
I was feral, I couldn’t get enough of him. I had never in our relationship been that soft and cuddly and ravenous. If I could have gone in his skin and let him shield me from the world I absolutely would have. This was just the closest I could get and I wanted to be close constantly. I was starting to realize that I felt better when he was around, calmer. I didn’t panic as much, I didn’t feel so unstable when he was around. Weird.
We went to our first sex store together during our stay, I’d been separately with friends and I was beyond uncomfortable being there. This time I was nervous and shy but not that uncomfortable, I felt ok because Ryan was there. Safe almost. Weird.
I will never forget coming back with our bag of goodies and testing what could potentially be heard from their room to make sure we were in the clear. We had to move the beds but it left so much more room for activities anyway.
