Part 10 Bullying for Breakfast.
I am so grateful for my current home, my dogs and our new routine. I recently made big realizations with my dogs and their struggles with mental health, both suffering from anxiety. I am forever changed by that information. Over the years I have taken in a plethora of information regarding mental health, confidence, habit change in humans. I had always felt guilty that I did not dedicate that time to learning more about training and teaching actual behaviors to my dogs. I realize now it was for this moment. It was for the realizations that I needed to make in order to grow my career in a way I was not expecting it to go. Though the information I was absorbing was to help myself, in the end it helped the dogs too.
My stay at my parents house continued to decline. I have never been a morning person, this is well known amongst the family and joked about often. Ryan was warned I was “a bear in the mornings” for reference. Now imagine waking up, crawling off the bed on the floor (that’s another side quest), grumbling down the stairs as your very much morning dogs attempt to take you out at the knees to race outside to start the day. Now add someone laughing at you as you descend, nearly every morning for over a year. I woke up knowing I was going to be laughed at before I even got to pee. I tried to question it, what is funny about us going down the stairs? Why is it funny every single day? The answer may very well be absolutely innocent, but internally it felt like constant bullying. If I knew someone did not love mornings, I would give them their space, I would remain quiet doing my own thing until they felt ready to start their day. How could someone continue to do that to someone else knowing it made them uncomfortable?
Work conditions continued to become more hostile and toxic, the secret horse I bought and hid from my family needed to be moved immediately, and my senior dog’s health and cognition began to decline. I was losing all the places that felt safe to me. What remained was our room, my car and Ryan. I was constantly surrounded, by dogs and unsafe people and I was starting to really lose it. When Ryan wasn’t home I took to driving with loud music to escape, I started going for a drive every time my emotions got too overwhelming. It’s as if I needed to have the sensation of running away. I drove until I felt better, it did make me feel better. Weird.
In part 11 things will get a little spicy, if this is not your cup of tea, this may be your exit at least for a post or two. If I had you sold after the earlier warning page, you will be fine probably a bit disappointed (that’s a later story friends). Honestly its not like ghost pepper spicy more like sriracha. If you can handle sriracha you will be fine.
I am still so grate to anyone that makes it this far, I must be doing something right? Or you are still just waiting on the punch line, as committed to the point as my friend is to the Karen Reed Trial? We all know she’s innocent don’t we? Maybe I could be a writer. Weird.
Before I go onto the next piece I want to tell you the bed story, because this is the second time it has happened to us…. If you remember a few posts back I talked about how we were able to raise the trundle to make a king? Well turns out that the trundle doesn’t always hold. Peacefully watching a movie when BAM falling to the floor, concerned the Rents enough to check. The first time was our first new bed frame we bought from Bob’s discount furniture, we had it less than a month when I went crashing down between the headboard and mattress…come to think of it that bed frame did that twice before we got rid of it. Who crashes through a bed 3 times in their adult life…come to think about it it used to happen with the bed I grew up using, often. Weird.
