Part 8 of How My Knowledge of Dog Training Saved my Life.

I am still very new to this channeling thing, don’t get me wrong I LOVE direct messages from my guides keeping me in line, it gives me clarity on where my journey is headed. The problem I face is with my intrusive thoughts… I will be enjoying the Peaceful moment, enjoying my chat, when BAM I am slammed with “its definitely not a guide, its a tumor you are Hallucinating, ya bat shit crazy bitch” Followed by the “I’m a tumor, I’m a tumor” song sang by Peter Griffin s.4 e.6. Did I look that up soley so make sure you know what jingle played in my head? Yes, yes I did.

Anyway I have gotten much better at not taking offense to the intrusion and simply flick my brain wrist in a move along little bitch kind of manner and the thought passes with ease, that definitely has not always been the case though.

I stood there frozen, staring at my phone. I don’t know how long I stood there but long enough for Ryan to come back looking for me. Worry etched on his face when he reached me. Still frozen I could not formulate words, but tears were pouring down my face, while he looked at me like “who died?”

After a long silence I blubber through a barely audible mess of words, Ryan was somehow able to decipher and took my phone to share the results, when I could not bring myself to look. He opens the email, shrugs and says “You passed baby” as if there was not a shred of doubt in his mind, as if he wasn’t at all surprised I made it, as if that email did not just shatter my entire existance. I fucking broke, flood gates opened and I lost my shit on a disc golf course. Holy Fucking Shit I did not fail Karen Pryor or Emma Parsons. Even better I passed with distinction, holy shit I didn’t fail.

I was reeling after that, I was celebrated for that, and most importantly I celebrated myself for that and shared my achievement with the world. I did not feel the guilty for feeling proud of myself and my accomplishment this time. Weird.

If you have caught on to the pattern or sequence yet you may not be surprised by what happens next. The other shoe dropped in our lives, and the house we were renting was finally being listed for sale. This is where things start to get a bit messy, and my rock bottom is near at this point.

It did not come as a surprise to us, when we were told the house we had been renting was officially being listed. For more than a year there was talk, and improvements being done to the home in preparation for its listing. We were surprised that it was listing in 3 weeks, they wanted it listed before schools started back up. Given the Covid house game, we knew the moment that house was listed the showings and bidding would start. At this point we were reduced to fairly bare belongings, as our stuff sat between two storage units in preparation for this move and the move that would bring us into our dream home.

When it started to circulate around the family, a few years earlier, that my late grandmothers house would become available for sale within the family, my husband and I immediately started asking questions. He knew it had been a dream of mine to own that house, he is the only one I ever told but it was finally coming true. We had a conversation with the family regarding our intentions, our budget, our willingness to fix what needs to be fixed as we settle and grow into the house. Verbal Agreements were made and shortly after necessary repairs started to take place.

Back to the rental house sale, which occurred after 3 years of waiting for our dream house’s repairs to conclude. A decision was made that for the next few months My husband, Myself and our 3 Weimaraners and Mainecoon Mix Cat would move into my parents house, until we could move into our dream house. We thankfully found a storage unit large enough to condense to one, I was so grateful not to have our stuff split between two units and two locations, on top of the furniture that was brought to my sisters garage.

We kept out just enough stuff to keep us all comfortable, and entertained for our short stay before making our way into our dream home. Little did I know that the day we moved in would be the start of a stay that lasted a year and three months, and the hardest season of my life.

This is the part of the story where I feel a need for warning. Hard truths may be shared, references to trauma both Big and Little T, severe mental health conditions, poor choices, and general volatile emotional rollercoaster behavior. If you have made it this far and decide, nope the rest is not for me I wish you nothing but health, wealth, and happiness. If you read warning and got a little excited about what’s to come, then you are home, welcome to the stone cold pack of weirdos.